Matt (theordinary) wrote,

optimist prime

my mom is convinced that i have bipolar and a.d.d. i think she may be right. even just a minute ago i was a bit excited to be writing in my journal again after a long while but now am depressed by the thought of dragging up emotions that i've been striving to suppress and i'm getting bored already. i talked to her the other day and referred to myself as 'the king of all pessimists' and she got sad and said she'd have to pray harder for me. just a week before that, casey and i were having one of our existential (or bipolar as he calls them) conversations and we came to the conclusion that humanity may have reached the end of its epoch, that everything that will be said or done has been done and said already and that nothing in life has meaning.
so i've been forcing myself to see the bright side of life and everything in it. i'm an optimist, i'm an optimist... really...
so now i, mr. logical/analytical will scrutinize and dissect my manic depressive thoughts and some trivial happenings of my life while ripping off one of my favorite childhood books:

Unfortunately i remain mostly convinced that most of life is without meaning; Fortunately i realized that at least one thing -love- gives life meaning.

Fortunately i've been smoking much less; Unfortunately i've been drinking much more... i can't decide who i like more, lung or liver?

Fortunately i saw two rainbows the other day that ended in the same spot and stretched out like an "M" over the lake and it made for a great photo; Unfortunately i lost one set of my camera's rechargeable batteries and the other set were dead.

Unfortunately i about wanted to kill a person last week; Fortunately i'm a pacifist, i think; Fortunately his motorcycle was stolen the night of my murderous intentions; Unfortunately i got quite a satisfying and unsettling pleasure out of hearing about the theft and silently wished i'd have thought of it; Unfortunately i would still like to maim or disfigure him.

Unfortunately i wish at times that i'd never been born; Fortunately i haven't completely lost hold of hope.

Unfortunately i have been entirely un-creative for the last few months; Fortunately i picked up a paint brush the other day.

Fortunately i got a kitten; Unfortunately she's an evil, vindictive little wench who thinks and acts all on her own prerogative, has no respect for authority and has taken control of my apartment; Fortunately i like her that way and she's still cute as hell.

There, i'll end on a good note... or should i say 'manic' note?
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